Business concluded and looking ahead

Well I don't want to be accused of what newspaper people call "burying the lead" so let me start by saying that Lillian's visa to travel to the U.S. was received and once we arrive at LAX tomorrow night, she becomes an American citizen.  All that is left for us to do is get out of Dodge.

Wait, what?  We don't live here? (Thanks for the backpack, Rachel)

It's time to go.  Our room is starting to show the wear from a week of our habitation.

Our only task for today was to receive our paperwork here at the hotel, so we had a lot of free time.  We decided to take a short cab ride to Shaiman Island.  The island was formerly the home of the U.S. Consulate and between that and the 35 story White Swan Hotel, was a longtime center for U.S. adoptive families.  The consulate moved and the hotel is totally under renovations so things are quiet there now.  As we walked by, we were easy pickings for an English-speaking shopkeeper specializing in kids shoes as she walked up to us complimenting Lillian.  We needed some new shoes for her so we picked those up, as well as a bamboo flute for Max.  Then we walked around a bit enjoying a slightly cooler day than the last few.

We saw several couples taking wedding pictures on what was still a hot and extremely humid morning.

This is the standard issue Shaiman Island adoptee picture.  Everyone takes one and now Lillian has, too.

Max, meanwhile, got a little workout in.

The parallel bars were no match for him...

...as you can plainly see

Others had a little more difficulty.

 In the afternoon, we did a little more work with Lillian getting used to water and made great progress.  A plastic ball had blown into the wading pool and the four of us threw it around and when she was chasing a ball, Lillian didn't notice that Nina was holding her in the "deep" water (maybe three feet - maybe).  She was having a great time and was playing with Max, which continues to be a slow (but steady) climb.   She was excited to be in the deeper water - though still not entirely without fear when she realized what she had done after the fact.  Sorry we don't have any pictures, but we were too busy playing!

Tomorrow, we leave on a mid afternoon flight from Guangzhou to Beijing and after a few hours, board a nonstop to LAX.  We are dreading the flight with her, she has serious lung capacity and throws a mean head butt.  Then we have the car ride home and she has never been in a car seat.  This is why we are delaying the initial meet and greet - Nina may be nursing a few battle wounds.

Once home, we will begin the business of resuming our lives.  On that note, Nina and I wanted to share a few thoughts based on what we have learned from others and our 10 hours of adoption parenting courses about our upcoming adjustment.

We are grateful to have had the support of so many friends, as well as our families, as we have worked to make our dreams of expanding our family come true.  We know how anxious everyone is to meet Lillian and we look forward to that happening.  She is quite a character! However, we must ask for your patience as we seek to help her adjust successfully to her new circumstances.  We are going to be hunkering down for a while as we seek to help her understand what it means to be in a family and to have a mother, father, brother, dog, chicken, bearded dragon, birds, etc.  We have a lot to learn, ourselves, too.

So please forgive us in advance for asking you not to drop by unannounced, or if we (or at least not all of us) are able to accept your invitations for a little while. 

When you do see us, you may notice us doing things a little differently than parents of other two year olds.   Lillian is remarkably capable because she’s had no one to rely on but herself in her first two years.  She is potty trained.  She tries to bathe and feed herself.  We will be trying to do things for her that she could otherwise do for herself as we work to build a parent-child relationship.   We’ll be feeling our way through so we don’t know exactly what that will entail but it could be drinking from a baby bottle, for example and we won’t be letting her “cry it out” when it’s time for bed.

Also, if you are with us and you notice that she has a need to be met – feeding, changing, holding, comforting, bathing, dressing, etc.  – please re-direct her to one of us rather than doing it yourself.  This is part of the process of her learning that we are her primary caregivers. 

She may seem quite charming when you meet her, but part of that is because she doesn’t know if you’re going to the next person to become her primary caregiver.  In the adoption world, this is known as “Mommy Shopping,” and that’s one of the major reasons why it is important to redirect her to us.

While we feel very good about how well she has done so far, we know there is still a lot of work to be done to establish the level of attachment we need.

And please remember that the person who really needs your attention is Max.  This is a huge adjustment for him and we welcome playdates, gifts for him and largely just making sure he doesn’t get overshadowed.  It’s no picnic getting a two-year old sibling dropped in your lap.

We have missed you over the last two and a half weeks and we do really want to see you and have adult company – particularly Nina who just spent an hour and a half trying to get a screeching two year old to sleep.  She needs a martini.  Soon.